The Plateau of the Black Hearts

The atmosphere was heavy inside EJ’s Bar. B-B Eyes, Mumbles, and Doubleup sat around a corner table which was quickly becoming their “regular” table. Whenever they arrived, other patrons knew to vacate the area.

An aspiring jazz musician was plunking out a mixed-tempo riff on the bar’s piano. B-B Eyes took a sip of his beer, then yelled at the man.

“Hey, ’88 Keyes’! Either pick a melody or leave that thing alone!” he barked.

The piano player settled into a minor key rendition of “Heart and Soul” as B-B Eyes turned back to his compatriots.

“You’re in a rotten mood. Rotten mood.” Doubleup observed.

 “I got a bad feeling,” B-B Eyes said. “Things are coming to a head back at the base. A lot of dissatisfied parties, and too many variables. Like this T-Bolt character who works for Bigg. I don’t know what to make of her.”

“Ilyker.” Mumbles said. “Shzgotspnk.”

“Maybe, but she’s unpredictable.” B-B Eyes responded. “And the old guard is getting restless, I can tell. Méliés is about to shake things up, and Venus and Apollo will go along with whatever he says. Which I don’t get, ‘cause Venus used to be HIS boss, right?”

“IlykthatVenuztu.” Mumbles leered slightly. “Shzgota nyzshayp…”

“You’re girl crazy. Girl crazy!” Doubleup insisted.

“M’elthy.” Mumbles dismissed him, taking a long drink.

“Anyway, we might need to consider skipping town.” B-B Eyes looked back and forth between his compatriots. “Maybe even split up for a while, you know? Either of you guys got a place to lay low?”

“I’ve got a connection. A connection.” Doubleup said, cagily.

“Good.” B-B Eyes looked back at Mumbles. “You?”

“Ikn taykarov mself.” Mumbles assured him.

B-B Eyes harrumphed, then looked up at the imposing figure who was standing behind Doubleup. The tall man had just arrived and had not spoken yet. “You want something, bud?”

“I do apologize for interrupting, gentlemen.” The tall figure leaned forward, putting his face in the light. His nose and chin were pointed, and his wavy black hair was thick and streaked with grey. “I hope you’ll allow me to join your little congregation.”

“We’re having a conversation. A conversation!” Doubleup replied.

“Yes, I think I can contribute to it most effectively. If I may?” Without waiting for permission, the tall man pulled out a chair and seated himself. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m known as Lofty. And unless I’m greatly mistaken, you three are the notorious villains B-B Eyes, Mumbles, and Doubleup.”

“Yeah, so you read the police blotter. What do you want?” B-B Eyes demanded.

“I’ve recently been released from a spell of incarceration.” Lofty explained. “I enjoyed a certain level of success in the stolen car business back in my salad days, and I’m seeking to re-acquaint myself with the criminal establishment in this fair locale.”

“Gytawkztumch.” Mumbles observed. “Zaz baddaz Blkjk.”

“Nobody’s as annoying as that guy. As THAT guy.” Doubleup chimed in.

“Hold on, fellas, let’s hear the man out.” B-B Eyes calmed his allies. “Hot cars, huh? That’s not a bad racket. I used to deal in tires myself.”

“Yes, and now you are affiliated with the infamous Black Hearts, are you not?” Lofty looked around as each man refused to comment. “I thought as much. My network of informants remains as reliable as ever. I'm extremely eager to associate myself with that organization.”

“From what I hear,” B-B Eyes began, “The Black Hearts don’t deal much in stolen cars. That stuff’s too small time. So what else you got?”

“I can assure you, I am a man of taste, discretion, and infinite inspiration.” Lofty placed his hand on his chest. “During my time away, I conceived a wide variety of nefarious enterprises, and now I merely require access to some minor resources to put them into effect. I’m certain they’ll be extremely lucrative for all affiliated parties.”

“Dunlykthssfop.” Mumbles muttered.

“You might be tall, but you look like a wimp to me! A wimp to ME!” Doubleup added.

“Gentlemen! Becalm yourselves!” Lofty urged. “I assure that I am a rogue of the highest order! In fact, my previous criminal organization included the nephews of Police Chief Pat Patton!”

The three other men did not look impressed.

“A pair of uncouth layabouts, to be sure.” Lofty continued. “But they were useful in their way. Additionally, when I was apprehended, I traded blows with Dick Tracy himself!”

“You took a swipe at Tracy?” B-B Eyes sounded more impressed than he had meant to.

“Well, I cuffed him soundly on the back of the head.” Lofty bragged. “I even knocked his ridiculous hat off.”

“Well, ain’t that impressive.” B-B Eyes pushed himself back from the table and walked deliberately over to Lofty. He put a hand on the tall man’s shoulder. Lofty kept his gaze on B-B Eyes, not noticing that Doubleup had also stood.

“Here’s what you gotta understand, 'Lofty'.” B-B Eyes leaned in close to the man’s face. “Guys like me and Mumbles and Doubleup here? We’re ‘rogues’ all right. And that’s because we KILL people. Got it?”

Lofty swallowed hard.

“In fact,” B-B Eyes continued. “Me and Mumbles have killed COPS. I shot a cop through the head, and left him trussed up in a stack of tires with a note for Dick Tracy pinned to his uniform, DARING him to catch me.”

With a sudden movement, Doubleup’s whip fell over Lofty’s head and wrapped tight around his neck. Lofty’s hands grasped at the whip, but he couldn’t loosen it. 

“Mumbles and I have even faked out own deaths to get out of being caught.” B-B Eyes explained.

“Twyz.” Mumbles corrected.

“Yeah, he did it twice.” B-B Eyes went on. “So when guys like you come in here and try to get chummy, acting like you operate on the same level as we do, it gets on our nerves, see?”

Lofty’s eyes were bugged out of their sockets as his face turned red, then purple, then blue. He gasped and struggled for a few more moments, then went limp. Doubleup maintained his hold on the man’s throat for a while longer, just to be thorough. B-B Eyes pulled back one of the frilled cuffs of Lofty’s shirt and checked his wrist for a pulse.

“That took a while.” B-B Eyes said. “I thought you’d just snap his neck.”

“The angle wasn’t right. Wasn’t right.” Doubleup explained dispassionately.

“Well, whatever.” B-B Eyes straightened. “Mumbles, you okay to drive? We’ll need to ditch this corpse somewhere.”

“M’fyn.” Mumbles assured him. “Nvrbin nabdfr dewey bfor.”

“Terrific.” B-B Eyes found himself smiling. “I gotta say, fellas, this kind of thing was just what I needed to put me in a good mood. I feel like I could take on Dick Tracy, the FBI, and the whole MCU.”

“Bring ‘em on.” Doubleup grinned. “On.”

END