East is East, West is West

Detective Brad Wilshire sat at his desk at Los Angeles Police Headquarters, going over a lab report from a recent case that he was working. 

Lousy TV cop shows… he thought. Can’t get a conviction these days without DNA evidence…

The phone on his desk rang. The light indicated that it was the switchboard operator. He answered.

"Hello?"

"Tracy? What does he want?"

"Ok, put him through."

Wilshire drummed his fingers on his desk. He’d crossed paths with Dick Tracy and his wife some time ago, and the two detectives had not gotten along.

"Yeah, this is Detective Wilshire. What's this about, Tracy?"

"Yeah, I did work the Orlock case. It was ruled a suicide."

"Who?"

"No, I heard you. I’m saying I don’t know who ‘Alfred Brau Jr.’ is."

"OK, so where’s your evidence?"

"You’re pulling my leg."

"No, seriously. You’re saying that just because this Brau guy CLAIMED credit for killing Orlock, he MUST have done it, and I got it wrong?"

"Yeah? What kind of investigation?"

"…"

"One guy. You called ONE GUY who barely knew Orlock and THAT’S why you're convinced that it wasn’t a suicide?"

"No, listen to me, Tracy, I want to ask you a few things. Did you come out here? Did you examine the body? Did you read the autopsy report? Did you interview any of his friends, or relatives, or other associates?"

"No, of course you didn’t. Because you’re the Great Dick Tracy, right? Well, I DID all of those things, and out of professional courtesy, I will share a few things with you."

"First of all, Orlock was in debt up to his eyeballs. He liked gambling and he borrowed from some loan sharks to finance his hobby. Didn’t know that, did you?"

"Also, he had a girlfriend that he just found out was expecting. Yeah, ‘expecting’. I’m being delicate because I know you're old-fashioned."

"Finally, the room where the body was found showed no signs of a struggle, and the body itself was clean of any marks or foreign substances in the bloodstream. Which means he wasn’t drugged. You ever try to use a noose as a murder weapon on someone who was awake and able to fight back? IT DOES NOT WORK."

"Orlock killed himself, Tracy, and I’d be willing to bet that that’s why your perp took on this 'Hangman' identity. So he could claim credit for a death that he wasn’t actually responsible for."

"Yeah, well, if you can prove otherwise, go ahead. I’m not vain. I’d love to see justice done, believe me."

"Uh-huh. Give my best to your wife."

Wilshire hung up the phone. Jackass… he thought. Enjoy your cold winters…